At the very start of 2016, I fell inlove. But that feeling ended real quick. It ended like a broken glass, I was a wreck.
To be honest, I used to be the kind of girl who only felt her worth from her ex’s compliments. His I love you’s made me feel beautiful. His kisses and hugs made me feel wanted. I was so focused on loving him that when he left, I was a wreck I didn’t even know how to be happy anymore.
It’s not easy to move on. It takes time actually, especially when that someone became part of your daily routine. Tears were my breakfast in the morning and dinner before I sleep. Every cut on my wrist was for him. Every pill I took was a thought of him. The plans we made were too good to be true. I felt lonely, unclean, and ugly.
But someone told me, “Instead of killing yourself why don’t you actually start healing yourself?” And that’s when it hit me like a rocketship.
And one day, I started dating myself. I learned how to enjoy my own company. I started watching a movie ALONE, reading a romance book while taking a sip of my favorite coffee ALONE, walking in the street while listening to my favorite bands ALONE. And it feels amazing in my every core.
I started to focus on my priorities. I hang out with my friends/d-group. I enjoy talking to my Mom. Opening up to them feels really good. Their comforts and advices made me feel loved. I travel as much I can. I do something new. I learn something different. I crave for adventure. I seek for improvement.
Tell you what girls, dating someone else that is better than your ex isn’t the key to move on from the pain you’re feeling right now. You can only move on when you start to value yourself as a woman and to know your worth without minding anyone’s perspective about you. Instead of looking for someone better than your past, be better and be the best version of you. Being selfish isn’t bad.
But let’s not forget about The God we have above us. Every tear from your eye, every whine you make, every beat of your heart, He was there for you. God made me feel my worth. That I’m special and important. Psalm 6:6-9